When Parenting Means Staying Out Of It!

Several years ago, when I first took the position at Holy Angels, I was on the playground and heard one of the yard monitors telling the kids not to run on the playground. When I asked her why she was telling them not to run, she said it was because they might fall and get hurt. My response was that sometimes, kids have to fall and get hurt.

As parents, we constantly want to "catch" our children, not allowing them to get hurt in any way. This can be taken literally, but it also has a much stronger figurative meaning. We want our children to learn to deal with the world in which they will live. All types of personalities exist in this world. Some of our kids are very passive while others are more aggressive. Some may be bullies while others are constantly concerned with the injustices faced by others. These same personalities exist amongst adults. To be functioning, effective adults, we need to allow our kids to learn how to deal with these different personalities on their own. We should provide the tools necessary, but they must apply their use properly.

Being a relatively shy child made it very difficult when my parents made me handle situations myself. If a child was picking on me, I was responsible for dealing with it. If someone owed me money, (I had paper route, and people loved to ignore a ten year old asking them for money!) I had to collect it. My parents could have easily stepped in to many situations and taken care of them, but they allowed me and all of their children to handle things themselves, and ultimately, helped create independent, self-reliant individuals.

Too often in elementary schools, parents let children's issues become adult issues. When we step in and try to handle situations for kids, we don't allow them the opportunity to grow and become strong, confident teenagers. In fact, we end up holding them captives to ourselves, when the expectation that mom or dad will always take care of their problems. (I have even been told about parents who have accosted their child's college professors over grades!)

As I often say, consider the individual you want your child to become when making decisions involving your child. Momentary discomfort will pass, and the lessons learned by a child dealing with a situation on his or her own is invaluable.