Last Friday, I imposed a directive upon the seventh and eight grade students that they were no longer allowed to hug one another. Admittedly, the rule was reactionary and came at the end of a long day (Jog-a-thon) and after a particularly trying situation.
Reaction from parents was mixed, with some joking about the directive and some angry about it. While most of the angry reaction filtered back to me from the parking lot, one parent actually took the initiative to meet with me and discuss the situation. (It was greatly appreciated!)
We discussed the decision, and I think both sides shed some light upon the situation. We ended up having a very positive and beneficial discussion.
From the school's side, trying to define what is an appropriate and inappropriate hug is extremely difficult, and virtually impossible to enforce. The majority of our students engage in :appropriate" hugging while some are taking it to an extreme. The hugging, hand holding, etc. is more an expression of a "relationship" rather than a sign of support amongst friends. To alleviate the less than scientific application of such terminology, hugging was banned.
The parent pointed some good points including her concern that we may be sending the wrong message about hugging (it's not a bad thing), that perhaps I did not explain the decision to the students well enough, as well as her child's feelings that she had lost an important privilege.
It's a minor problem that takes on some rather enormous complexities once it is examined. Bottom line, our students know right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate, and I as the principal need to be comfortable with that fact. The students were spoken to again today, with an explanation of the decision, as well as an addendum that they could still hug one another, but if I or another staff member deemed it inappropriate, then it was inappropriate. The students were asked to not put themselves in a situation that could be determined inappropriate and I am comfortable that our kids can and will make the right decisions.
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2 comments:
good hug, bad hug and the ugly hug
Dropping teenagers (or "not yet teenagers") off at the mall to "hang out with friends" unchaperoned encourages a lot more than hugging behaviors. We need to think about that.
Too often we give kids mixed messages and then get upset when they act upon them. We need to think about that too.
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