Essay on Parenting

For the last twenty years of my life, I have made a living teaching and telling parents how they should raise their children. I was very well schooled in theory and felt like I had a very logical answer for virtually every problem that arose. Slightly over 18 months ago, that all changed when my daughter was born. While I think I have always known this deep down inside, theory is great, practice is a bit more difficult. This new found philosophy was recently confirmed upon taking my daughter to her pediatrician. She too has recently had her first child, and I asked her how rigidly she was able to adhere to her own and advice, and she grudgingly admitted it was not always so easy to do.

As a young teacher, I would get offended when people told me that I didn't understand certain situations and practices, because I did not have kids. It did not deter me, however, from reiterating the theory I was already espousing, and letting them know that what I had to say was really what was best for their child.

Their is an emotional factor to parenting that can never truly be separated from the decision making process. We all want to do what is best for our child, but we also all know that what your child suffer through a bad decision, hurt themselves as they investigate, or sometimes, just the desire to do things the "easy" way cause us to interfere or make bad decisions, even though we know it is not what is in the child's best interest. Other times, we may be so intent on them learning a lesson that we let the lesson override what we know we should do as a parent. Most of them time, it is hard to decipher what is the right thing to do in any situation.

So while I understand, now more than ever, the reality of being a parent, I also hope that my child has some of those theory-driven teachers who can point out to me what I can do to best help my child. I want the teacher who does not let emotion beat out common sense when it comes to my child's development, and I want the teacher who is not afraid to tell it to me like it truly is. I hope I am the parent who is able to listen with an open mind and truly understand that my child's teacher has her best interest at heart. I hope that I am truly able to comprehend that if I truly want what is best for my daughter, I will try to apply the suggestions of that teacher and work with her teachers to ensure that she succeeds. I hope my mind is not closed when I hear things that are difficult to hear about the child I know is wonderful and then I hope I will do everything I can to help make her an independent, successful child. Lastly, I hope I will be compassionate when my child fails and understand that these failures should be turned into the most valuable learning experiences of her life.

And then, on the way home, I will probably buy her an ice cream before dinner and tell her not to tell her mom.

A School for All Ages

Despite its continual decline in quality and content, I still thoroughly enjoy the Los Angeles Times. I used to consider it the best paper in the nation, whereas now, I think its a good paper. In contrast to my assessment regarding its perceived decline, I am fairly happy with one area of coverage that seems to have increased in recent times, that being articles that pertain to educational issues.

One of these articles recently spoke about a movement in the public schools to eliminate junior high schools and have the schools include grades kindergarten to eighth. As anyone who has been involved in Catholic schools is aware, this has always been our model and a relatively successful model at that.

The irony here is that we have had numerous discussions over the last several years, both at the school level and in principal meetings, about the difficulty of providing programs that cater to all these grade levels. To solidify the point a bit, try considering how you would plan a birthday party that would keep a 5 year old and a 14 year old entertained. The same challenges that you could foresee in this scenario are prevalent in a school environment. We want our school to be inclusive and communal, but the reality is an assembly about Martin Luther King cannot possibly keep all the age groups enraptured to the same degree or teach the same lesson to all these students.

We have discussed the benefits of regional schools, including junior highs and pre-kindergartens and it may be a direction the schools in our area eventually go; but then again, it may never happen. That does not solve the dilemma we are currently faced with in a PK-8 school.

Fortunately, in our meetings prior to the start of school, we as a faculty finally addressed the elephant that has always been in the room. We cannot possibly do everything for every age group and do it well. Some of what we plan for the year may only be appropriate for children of a specific age group or grade level, and that's ok. It will not cause us to lose the community aspect of Holy Angels, thanks in part to programs like our school families. By allowing the children to gather several times a month, as a "family", we will continue to keep our commnity strong, teach leadership and responsibility to our older students, and allow our younger students interaction with older kids who are cool simply because they are older.

As with anything that is kid-generated and run, we will have some bumps in the road. We are aware of this and we prepare for it. By critiquing instead of criticizing, and providing guidance instead of directives, we will help all of our students to grow and become the responsible citizens that are highlighted in our school wide learning expectations.

Lazy Man's Blog (Apologies to Ben Stein)

I am too lazy to write too much over the summer, but I have had some interesting thoughts sent to me, so I decided to steal them and post them here.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK. Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace. Are you laughing yet? Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

Of Primary Importance

This morning, the results of a new study regarding education were published in the L.A. Times. The findings indicated that a student's probability of passing the public schools' high school exit exam could be predicted fairly accurately as early as fourth grade. The indicators included a student's grades, their scores on standardized tests, and, somewhat surprisingly, their classroom conduct.

The reason a believe this is of particular note is not due to a students ability to pass a high school exit exam. I have never seen one nor its content, (and I have my scepticism about its true value. ) However, I do find that this supports a philosophy I have embraced for many years.

If you consider that these indicators can be recognized as early as fourth grade, it would seem to make sense that everything done prior to fourth grade has contributed to these indicators. I have always said that the primary grades are the most important grades in a child's school life.

Parents of primary aged children: you have the opportunity right now to truly shape your child's scholastic success by establishing good habits, expecting your child to do his or her best, and establishing habits that will lead to a successful child.

I have been preaching this mantra for twenty years. It is only in the last year and a half (which just so happens to coincide with the birth of my daughter) that I have realized how difficult this truly is. The theory is sound, but the practice is much more taxing. However, I continually refer back to this "theory" when it would be much easier to give in to my daughter than do what I know is right. Be it eating vegetables, taking her pacifier away from her, or requiring her to pick up the mess she has made, I try and forgo the easy road so as to better her as a person. The same practices hold true regarding what you expect of your child in school.

If you have ever tried to rid yourself of a bad habit, you know how difficult it is to do. The same is true of good habits. Ensure that you establish good habits in your children, one's that they will take with them into the upper grades of education, and you will ensure your child achieves his or her best. Putting in the earlt work will result in a lifetime of payoff for you and your children.

Summer Schedules

Ready or not, summer is quickly approaching and the unenviable task of keeping your children occupied is coming along with it. As I have often stated, I am a huge proponent of not scheduling every minute of every day for your child. Instead, allow them time to be creative, to develop their imagination and think up ways on their own to stay occupied. This simple step can have a very positive consequence in the classroom, when they are expected to explore problems, rather than just follow given directions. Not to mention, kids need a break combined with some time to relax.

That being said, Holy Angels will continue with mandatory summer reading for our students. I think this is a component of your child’s development that is crucial to their success in virtually all aspects of life and will be encouraged throughout next year, but not if reading becomes a burdensome task that has to be completed in a very limited time frame. In the coming week, you will be receiving a list of books that are readily available at local bookstores and libraries. I know some people have the habit of waiting until mid-August to look for these books, but do yourself a favor and look into getting the novels a bit sooner. Give them the opportunity to read and enjoy, not just read because they have to!

Our kids live in a world much different than the one we grew up in. However, if we recall the truly great moments of our childhood, we have to remember that our children deserve the same opportunity to enjoy life (and summer.) Keep things balanced and allow children time to just be kids, while giving them the opportunity to stay mentally sharp and engaged .

The Gift of Teachers

We are a little behind the eight-ball as we honor our teachers and staff this week with Teacher Appreciation Week. I think it is extremely important to take a moment to pay tribute to the faculty and staff of Holy Angels. I have said this often, and am very genuine when I state that we have the best faculty I have ever had the fortune to work with. None of our staff come here slowly to receive a paycheck. They are here because of their dedication to Catholic education and Holy Angels School.

The career of an educator has many misconceptions about it. Some of these include that teachers only work ten months a year. Any teacher dedicated to their profession works during the summer doing their lesson plans for the year, attending professional development seminars, preparing their room and attending classes.

Another may be that their day ends at 3:00 PM. Again, I have never met a teacher whose day ended once the students leave. Correcting papers, preparing for the next day, extra tutoring, and meeting with parents are all part of the work day that takes place after 3:00 PM.

Sometimes, the fact that everyone has attended school often leads to the belief that they have a better way of doing things or, at the very least, the ability to see what a teacher is doing wrong. Anyone who has ever had a birthday party for more than four kids knows that managing a group of children requires more than just telling them what to do!

In order to honor our teachers, the greatest gift a teacher can receive is a letter of gratitude written by his or her student. A card written from the heart has much greater meaning than any gift a teacher could be given.

Holy Angels School is fortunate to have a staff of teachers who spend countless hours of their days dedicated to the students they serve. I am honored to be able to work amongst such a hard working group of individuals. We will honor our wonderful teachers all week with a variety of meals and ceremonies. I challenge each of our families to do the same!

Parish Unity

One of the strengths of Catholic schools in general, and Holy Angels in particular, is community. I have never been in a Catholic school where the communities were not closely bound and supportive, and I believe Holy Angels embodies this to a greater degree than any of the schools I have been at.

One component of this community that can show weakness, however, is the school's view of where it fits in the parish. It seems often times, we want the benefits of parish support without offering that same support in return. Over the weekend we had the opportunity to be part of a true parish event when all the children of the parish had the opportunity to receive the Eucharist for the first time. Complaints are some times levied that this sacrament should be celebrated with the school and religious education classes as separate entities, but this only furthers the misconception that we are not all part of one parish. We cannot make the claim of being an active parishioner only when it means receiving a discounted tuition rate while wanting complete separation from the parish on other occasions.

We all benefit by being active members of a united parish. Working together, celebrating together and worshiping together allows us to accomplish much more than it would if every ministry of the parish pilots its own ship. Parish support is not a one-sided proposition, nor will it be of ultimate benefit to Holy Angels School or Holy Angels Parish. Our greatest accomplishments will come from uniting together as one.